The truth of the matter is: it scares me.
Even the people who seem to have the strongest exterior can crumble under the slightest upset.
You would never know it to look at them.
But if you really look, then you would see the turmoil.
The devil and God are raging inside me.
In American History, we recently discussed the term "No Man's Land"
No man's land is the dangerous battlefield area between trenches in World War One. Land often exchanged hands, each side trying to gain the most territory. Men were forced to stay in the trenches for weeks and even months on end. They lived in these trenches with their fallen comrades. They didn't dare risk burying the dead for fear of being killed.
In an offbeat sort of way, you could say that my mind has become somewhat of a trench warfare, no man's land type of thing.
In the trenches, are the thoughts, the people that I cannot let go of for fear that I may be killed, or greatly wounded once I let go of them.
Devastating.
Also in the trenches are the people who I am fighting for.
I am willing to give life and limb to save them.
And I hope they know who they are.
Onto the concept of my mind being no man's land.
I have already stated that in no mans's land, territory exchanges hands- each side fighting to keep a hold of what they have and gain as much as possible.
My thoughts and opinions are each duking it out among one another. Each fighting to gain the most ground and win. Each fighting to be voiced and to get out.
At this point however, it has become a stalemate.
Neither side is winning.
Neither is losing.
And it could be the death of me.
Unless an epic change occurs.
Soon.
"Americans have a special horror of giving up control, of letting things happen in their own way without interference. They would like to jump down into their stomachs and digest the food and shovel the shit out."
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