10/30/07

The dark.

It has such power over a person.

It is the unknown.

It makes it so that you cannot see what lies ahead.

You can only think of what lies behind you, for you have already experienced it.

For some, the past is something that is better left under that veil of darkness.

For some, the past was enjoyable.

But right now we are in the present.

We are living even if it seems to be a meager existence, doing and feeling just enough to get by.

But we are ALIVE.

Do not give up now.

Give up, and you're giving up on everyone around you.

Weren't you the one who told me it would get better?

Slowly.. it has somewhat.

Though those nightmares plague me whenever I shut my eyes, though those thoughts haunt me during my wakin hours... it has gotten somewhat better.

And it will get better for you.

You hear it way to often.

It's meaning has become garbled in all the other words of engouragement that you hear.

Those words seem to fall upon deaf ears.

To you, they don't mean anything.

They're useless.

Try this:

Instead of looking at the words themselves, look at the people who say them. Listen to the sincerity in their voices and how they say those things to you so earnestly. Look at their experiences. Their past. Look at them now. They should know. It gets better.

Kid, you are SO CLOSE to giving up.

SO CLOSE to walking away.

But would it really be worth it?

The same things will follow you later if you run away from them now.

You have to stay strong and get through this to find your peace.

Kid I have a saccharine smile.

Yet you take that away.

Oh don't worry- it's not a bad thing.

You make me realize what I need to do.

You tell it to me straight unlike any other.

It's serendipity.

I have found a form of self-actualization in our conversations.

Kid.... it's not gonna be easy- this life thing..

But you cannot just give up.

You are so close to the surface. Break above the waves and you will be free.

Take a deep breath.

Kid.. You offered to help me.

I'm not going to lie. I still need it.

Now I am offering it to you.

Just let me know.

A simple message or missed phone call at let's say between the hours of 3 and 4:38 am will suffice.

Just let me know tonight (or this morning rather) if you will take it or not.

For I need to know one way or the other.

You are so close.

You are so alive.